My youngest son is a very good soccer player. He's competitive (like most lawyers), and hates to lose (like all lawyers).

When he was younger and his team lost, I'd try to rouse him from his post-game malaise by reminding him that we learn much more from our failures than from our successes. 

What's true after an unsuccessful soccer game is equally true after an unsuccessful marketing pitch: There's much to be learned from the loss. 

Often, after not being selected, we want to distance ourselves. But you can gain valuable insight by setting aside that instinct and instead following up after an unsuccessful marketing pitch. Perhaps more important, you can turn this “failure” into an opportunity to develop a stronger relationship with the prospect, which can ultimately result in gaining that client after all. 

When I suggest such follow-up, many clients are taken aback. "Isn't follow-up for prospects, not people who've said no?" they ask.

However, when they do follow up, they are usually quite glad they did. They learn things that will help them the next time around -- either with this client or with others.

Here are some things my clients have learned about why they weren't hired:

1) The entire RFP process was a sham. The "winner" had been chosen before the presentations.

Actionable learning: Next time, before agreeing to participate, ask about the objectives for the competition and why you were chosen to be part of it. If the person inviting you to participate can't articulate a clear reason for the competition and the criteria for selecting the winner, be wary.

2) The prospective client felt the proposed team wasn't diverse enough.

Actionable learning: Ask questions in advance to determine what criteria will be important in the decision-making process and assemble your team and response accordingly.

3) The prospective client thought they lacked the requisite expertise.

Actionable learning: Do a better job of articulating why the expertise you have is critical to the matter. And as an aside, if you don't have the requisite expertise, acknowledge it. You may not be chosen for this matter, but your honesty will build trust for the next one.

4) The prospective client felt they didn't seem like a "team."

Actionable learning: Pick team members for their chemistry as well as their expertise.

5) They were the first choice of the person running the process, but not the decision maker.

Learning: Make sure you understand who the decision maker is and his or her priorities.

***

Your first step after you lose a pitch is to contact the decision maker to learn what went wrong and how you might fix it in the future. Here's how I suggest you approach that conversation:

1) Make sure you have accepted the decision to hire someone else. Don't even consider picking up the phone if you're still upset about the decision.

2) Begin the conversation by (sincerely) making it clear you aren't trying to convince them to  reconsider. This is an information-gathering and relationship-building conversation, not a sales pitch. If, during the course of the discussion, you discover they were mistaken about something (your expertise, your rates, your approach), this isn't the time to correct their misimpression. The opening conversation might go something like this:

 “I have a favor to ask. I would like to get some feedback about our presentation and how we could improve in the future. I accept your decision and promise not to try to change your mind. I would just like your honest feedback about how we did."

3) Prepare a few open-ended questions to ask. This conversation is awkward enough; don't come unprepared. For example, you might ask:

* What one thing could we do to most improve our presentation?

* In what ways did we not meet your needs?

4) End the conversation on an upbeat note, anticipating that this isn't the end of your relationship. You might say something like, "I hope we have the opportunity to work together in the future. Would you be interested in receiving an invitation to our next firm seminar on implementing the new health care regulations?"

5) Follow up, follow up, follow up. Even more important than the post-pitch debriefing is staying in touch with the prospect after you lose the pitch. Unless you learned something in the course of the process that suggests that they will never be a client (your rates are too high, another firm has a lock on their business, they hate your managing partner) or that you would never want them as a client (there are such people, let's face it), these people belong at the top of your marketing list.

You've spent a lot of time educating them about who you are and how well you do what you do and they have shown that they trust you enough to consider hiring you. You are so much further along with them than with a prospective client you've yet to meet! Don't let this opportunity evaporate just because they didn't hire you for this matter.

***

The next time you don't win a pitch, use it as an opportunity to gather marketing intelligence about how you're perceived in the marketplace and how to do a better job of selling yourself. Most important, look at it as another step in building a relationship with a prospective client. You won't regret it.